The Cable Guy

Normally, I avoid using corporations' names in my blog posts. If they want me to advertise their name, they can pay me heftily, though in many cases, I still wouldn't do it. Today, however, I'm going to make an exception: Time Warner. I'll say it again: Time Warner. Yes, this post is all about Time Warner. And how I hate them.

Currently, my house does not have an internet connection. Sometimes, I can pick up a neighbor's signal, but its inconsistent at best. Our current provider wants to charge us a large amount to fix our connection, and we find that ludicrous, so we decided to investigate other options. Time Warner, as we discovered, offers a cable/phone/internet package that would cost less than our current crappy phone/internet service, so why wouldn't we want to receive cable, too? Sounds like a winning plan. Thank you, Time Warner, thank you.

Time Warner expressed that they were more than happy to become our provider and set up a day to install. Sisco waited around for the cable guy, who eventually showed up, but insisted he couldn't install anything without Shea, the person who ordered the package, present. Previously, Time Warner never told us that this was their policy. In fact, when we called later to ask what the deal with was this surprise, the customer service representative insisted that that is not their policy at all and suggested that maybe the cable guy "had an attitude." I don't know how we're supposed to take that directive, but at any rate we reschedule for another day.

On the second day, Shea and I waited at home the entire time. When no one showed up, we called Time Warner, and they informed us that someone had stopped by. We knew this was bullshit because we were there the entire time and had someone knocked even lightly, I was close enough to have heard it. Besides, the dogs would have barked had they spied a stranger. So Shea protested as Time Warner tried to blame us, until a customer service representative admitted that sometimes the cable guys don't actually come to the house and say they do. It's amazing how the company will defend their employee until it looks like it will jeopardize their standing with a customer, in which case they will throw em under the bus. Shea cursed and told Time Warner where they can go, but ultimately agreed to reschedule since it would be such a great deal and he didn't want to lose the offer.

It was my last day of summer, my last day of freedom, and with all of the many things I should be doing to prepare for the school year, I was homebound, waiting for the cable guy. He showed up fairly early in the allotted hours, which made me happy. He then proceeded to tell me that he was not qualified to do wireless internet, insisting that his form said he only had to connect a modem to a PC, which with seven people in a house, was not what we requested. I asked him if he could do what I asked, but he said he wasn't qualified. Then he asked where our previous cable connection was. I told him we didn't have cable previously. "I only do reinstallations," he said. "That's what I have you down for." I sigh. "Again, that's not what we asked for, obviously. Are you sure you have the right house?" He apologized, and promised to have someone else who was "qualified" come to the house in an hour.

More than an hour passed, so I called Time Warner. After more than half an hour of being on hold, I relayed my story about the cable guy saying he wasn't qualified and promising to send someone else. She couldn't believe what I told her. "We don't send people out who aren't qualified to do that work." Exactly! That's why I was dumbfounded, too. After another half hour on hold, the customer service representative admitted that no one had been called to come to my house and, though she wouldn't admit they were wrong altogether, said that what occurred "shouldn't have happened" and that a different cable guy would come within an hour.

I waited an hour, then another. I was on hold another half hour, forced to listen to commercials for Time Warner products while I wait. Like they have the least bit of incentive to help me in a timely manner. I called to ask where the cable guy was. After another twenty minutes on hold, I received no explanation as to why no one came, only an accusation that we could not have the service installed anyway without having a wireless internet router. I explained that not only did I show the first cable guy the router, but I explained that we had a router to the last Time Warner representative I spoke to and I was promised that was all I needed, so clearly the real issue was that no one would show up to properly hook these things up, not whatever he was trying to pin on me. Without getting too angry, I recounted how my housemates and I have already stayed home for three days now and we needed someone to come today or we would no longer obtain their services. The representative said he would do what he could do, put me on hold another twenty minutes only to tell me that I "called too late in the day" to have anyone come see me. Of course, that sets me off. "I'm not calling too late in the day! I'm just calling again after waiting all day!" So I tell him that that's it and I want a refund (since we already paid about $100 for an installation that will never happen, which he won't accept at first, because of course they want the money, so he pushes rescheduling for a third time, and I explain that we all work and will have no more free days to contribute something. He keeps trying to talk me out of a refund, but I'm persistent, at one point so exasperated that I exclaim, "It'd be easier to cure cancer than obtain your services!" That seemed to make my point, and though the Time Warner guy didn't give in immediately, I continued to raise my voice, get pissy, hold firm, and finally got our money back. I should use some of these strategies when disciplining my class.

Oh, and one more time, fuck Time Warner.