2014-03-27

Zac Efron Beaten Up by a Hobo


Hahahaha. I shouldn't laugh at a guy I once had fun with at Six Flags (not really, well sorta, but I am definitely misrepresenting the situation), but this headline is too much.

The #1 reason you know something's being left out of this story is that the cops didn't arrest Zac Efron's hobo assailant. Have you ever met a Los Angeles police officer? They love any excuse to throw a homeless person in jail. Something tells me that this supposed "mutual combat" law suddenly wouldn't apply as soon as a homeless person even lifted a finger in self defense while the cops beat him senseless for sleeping in the wrong part of the city. Oops, this just turned into another Fuck the Police post like it always does.

2014-03-26

Did You Just Get Your Hair Done?

I had foreign friends I haven't seen since high school come to LA for a visit today. I was nervous about meeting them, honestly, because I wasn't sure whether we'd be able to pick up where we left off so many years later, but apparently I found it remarkably easy.

Greeting one of them, I said, "Hi! [Hug] Did you just get your hair done? It looks nice."

The other friend immediately began cracking up hysterically. "You haven't seen her in fifteen years and the first thing you say is, 'Did you just get your hair done?'"

Admittedly, it was strange smalltalk. Over the past decade and a half, there have probably been dozens of iterations of her hair I haven't been privy to, but here I was talking like I hadn't missed a beat.

For the record, her hair had just been done. I guess I had seen a recent Facebook photo and she had mentioned previously that she might try to hit up a salon while in town, so I made an educated guess without giving it much thought. I'll stand by it: the best way to bridge a 15 year gap is to just act as if you have seen the person yesterday.

2014-03-18

Three Men in a Tub

We're planning a trip to Las Vegas soon, and it's taken a lot of coordination to figure out the accommodations. I kind of miss the days when we'd secretly cram 10-20 of us into a single room. Vegas isn't for sleeping anyway. You need the room for like a 2 hour power nap and then it's time to make that hungover drive home. So why pay for a room? If Vegas wants our money, it can get it the old-fashioned way: enabling us to gamble irresponsibly.

I remember one time we had well over 15 people in a room. A couple of friends and I were the last back in and even the floorspace was monopolized by that point. One of our drunk asses suggested that we try sleeping in the bathtub, so we gave it a shot. Remember that nursery rhyme - rub a dub dub, three men in a tub? It was just like that. I couldn't tell you which of us was the candlestick maker, though.

We slept head to feet to head. I was in the center and my head was directly under the faucet. As if the tub wasn't uncomfortable enough, it leaked ever so slightly. About once a minute, a drop would fall out of the faucet and plunk onto my forehead. I kept telling myself to ignore it and that I'd eventually pass out, but I could not fall asleep like that. Given my intoxicated state, it took me far too long to recognize that I was literally subjecting myself to Chinese water torture. Suddenly it made sense why the slow dripping of water on my face was driving me crazy.

It turned out that three men in a tub was not a comfortable way to sleep, so we abandoned the shower and just cuddled up with others on the floor. Look at how cute we were!

 

2014-03-16

enlgish I nto godo

Bless YouTube commenter Jena Camila for responding to a clearly joke comment in a helpful manner.

Somebody's got a future in teaching English abroad!

2014-03-12

Coffee Ad

Being from LA, it's not uncommon to see acquaintances who are "in the biz" on commercials and stuff, but I did a double take when I thought I saw a high school teacher I knew in a coffee commercial a couple of weeks ago.

Since it was an internet ad, I wasn't able to rewind it. I hadn't paid enough attention to catch the name of the product or get a good look at the star. I even tried to reload the video a bunch of times, but it played other advertisements instead. Oh well, I figured, I'm sure I was just mistaken.

I finally saw the advertisement again, though, and wouldn't you know, it was that woman I used to throw balls with. (That's not a euphemism, she was a sports teammate of mine.) Even the normal-seeming teachers in this town are shilling for companies now!

The best part is that the spot's slogan is "Someone you know loves Keurig." Ironically enough they're right: I do know Catherine. But I have my doubts are her love for the machine since it also identifies her as a "paid endorser of Green Mountain Coffee Roasters, Inc."

2014-03-11

DARE

I went from being a kid who won the DARE essay contest to being an adult who said “no fucking way” to a solicitor who asked me to make a donation to the DARE program. If only Officer Bob could see me now!





(… he would see that I don’t do hard drugs, or really any drugs for that matter, but that I am wise to a whack criminal justice system aided in part by a youth-oriented propaganda campaign.)

2014-03-06

A Really Important Thing Just Happened on Twitter


Then I got a follow back from a party icon, and now I feel unworthy. I've really got to up my party game so I don't disappoint him.

2014-03-05